There is no 'one size fits all' model when it comes to what you should or shouldn't say to someone who has been diagnosed with cancer. There are so many factors to take into account; the person, what kind of relationship you have with them.
I can provide some general 'themes' though.
Be honest, be open and actively listen - there is nothing worse than someone just 'listening' so they can reply or interject with their own experiences.
Try not to automatically sob, you aren't the victim here, it's not all about you.
Be guided by the person on what's appropriate/not appropriate. Don't automatically assume physical touch is ok.
Ask if you can ask questions, don't just start firing questions at the person. They have more than likely had a lot of information dumped on them in a short space of time and are very overwhelmed.
If you can avoid the dreaded "How are you?" question - do
Save your pity eyes for someone else.
If you want to be a part of this persons journey, the most effective way to bring joy and happiness is to send regular texts/messages/memes that are completely unrelated to cancer and place no pressure on the person to reply.
You are still allowed to complain about things in your life, just because you're not the one with cancer doesn't mean your problems aren't important - and usually people like to hear about other people's problems because life being all about cancer can be gloomy and depressing.
Never say "Let me know if there is anything I can do" because they will never let you know. Depending on the person you can either offer them options - "shall I pick up your dry cleaning or walk your dog?" or for people like me (read stubborn, martyr, head strong) just do things and ask for forgiveness later.
Saying something is always, always better than saying nothing. Be truthful "I'm sorry I just don't know what to say" - is an ok thing to say.
Never say "Have you tried taking x, y, z" or "I've heard x, y, z, can fix/cure/rid you of cancer". Unless you are an oncologist or the person asks for your opinion on treatments/alternative therapies, just don't go there.
Try not to judge how a person chooses to cope with their diagnosis. Being faced with your own mortality is confronting, overwhelming, scary, terrifying, shocking and any other adjective describing horror.
Not everyone's cancer journey is going to have a good outcome, you should always have hope but you gotta be realistic too.
Assumptions need to be parked, not all cancer makes you skinny, not all cancer is a death sentence, not all treatments make your hair fall out.
Don't worry about being perfect and getting everything 'right'. You won't, you can't but don't let that stop you.
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